A Nice Memory .... From Germany

I had finally got hold of the images that were produced on my one and only project for the pathetic year of 2008. It was the most difficult shoot that I've worked on in my 14 years of film and photo production career and till today, the painstaking process of the project still haunts me. 

This project is still a significant part of my career and life, and which will carry a great fusion of mixed feelings. Looking at the results, makes me live in an oblivion of accomplishment gravity. 

For those who read these, be prepared to be mesmerised by the images .....

 

Caring Is Sharing or Sharing Is Caring?

Was just pondering over those words that are commonly used as an abbreviation of feelings. Looking into details, the terms are rather subjective and it is derived of the basic words of care and share.

Care as a noun means an anxiety of concern. To me it is a form feeling that one has over a certain person or object that are meaningful to the person. Caring attitude reflects the inner feeling or a mode that shows concern or gratitude towards another being or object or even a subject. When the question of care arises, one will look into his or her priority list and realises whom or what matters most in one's life. If it concerns people, the rank of order usually begins with the person he/she loves and adores the most where on a common, it could be the mother, child, father, spouse or companion. Sharing is a way to divide and distribute accordingly or apportion certain values or to participate or experience a journey jointly.

If you love someone deeply, the care and affection is probably the highest. You will do whatever you can and think of to care for that person be it if you're in the midst of a meeting with Barack Obama. You will be concerned of the well being of that person and being always aware of how you could make situations better or easier for the other party by sharing of what you may have and the possible needs of that person concerned. Sometimes, the simplest thoughts could be the biggest gesture and it will certainly be a overwhelming feeling for that person concerned. Until then, you can never say that you actually care so much or deeply of someone. You in caring maybe noticed as just a surface of an image that you may have been working so hard on. Don't work too hard as it will be realised by the other party with much ease. 

 

A Peculiar Language

If anyone could figure out the meaning to some words that my 2 and a half year old son utters, please advice. Those words are as follows:

• ai-yent
• ak-ko
• ak-ka
• mamee pass
• em-bow
• tess-fess
• koong koom
• ata-shop
• koukou-pace
• a-ter
• o-to-fee
• wa-tis
• arto
• swerf
• pek shop
• parkssen
• watssen
• medichbens
• a-nait
• ettafour
• eng-chai
• daddy plis cavvy
• apen
• teng-ku mamee

Chronicles of My Life .... A New Journey

My usual Saturday mornings usually begin by picking up Terri and Christian for breakfast and spending 2- 3 hours in the vicinity of Desa Sri Hartamas while Terri attends her weekly cake decorating course.  Last Saturday was completely different as I hauled up myself in a pleasant and enchanting environment amongst 16 people seeking to be healed under the guidance of 2 Godsend beings. This session was highlighted by a dear friend of mine, Geraldine.

Not realising in the beginning but this experience was truly a start in journey that I've longed for. This experience was simply called "The Family Constellations". It is a configuration of ideas, feelings, characteristics and intuitions. Its an experience where our inner feelings and souls communicate in healing and reaching out to beings that are going through mishaps of life which seem to have made it through and living well in our systems. 

It was a 2 day event where most of us poured out our sorrows and anguish in a group that hardly no one knew each other. Each cases were analysed well and eminent results were achieved. For a first timer, it could be a complete awe but as when the mechanics of the healing process begins to wheel every individual will realise the importance of a family. Many elements that we've failed to see, realise or even ignored when they were just right in front us. These issues may have been brushed off with ease as at that time it could have been as what it may have been seen as a microgerm sized issue. Just be prepared as these puny "things" could turn out to be one of the greatest problem for an individual.

I wouldn't want to share in here the details as we have a mutual understanding among us but what I can share is that this 2 day journey has opened up many closed pores of pain and realisations of a family. I wouldn't dare say that I am healed but I wouldn't hesitate to say that will go all out with great determination to be healed.

Eyes Wide Open

Personal experiences made out of life disappointments, events, tragedies and betrayal have amounted in me of making through my daily life with my eyes wide open. This has enabled me to view details and elements in every angle in a contrasty of a 16:9 instead of a 4:3. Elements that are included in this comprise from a full cast of companion, friends, family, business associates and the ordinary Bangladeshi pump attendant that helps me to refuel my car.

Personal emotions and a razor edged instinct contributes the narrative aspect of "Eyes Wide Open". This factor is working well with a character and attributes of a highly charged emotional person like me. I have erratic traits that may not go well with the society but with a strong opinion of what makes me myself is my being, not the society that is ad-hoc. 

I am still seeking for a connection that will be eventually know and understand being me. I may sound self centred here as this chapter is merely a self expression. When you care for someone, do not do things to show him/her that you care. Do it because you care. When you love someone, love that person because do love him/her. Do not love the person for merely including the word "love" in your daily vocabulary. When you would want to lie to someone, lie because this person is meaningless to you. When you choose to hide things from the person that means some much to you, keep on doing it as this person actually never meant anything to you. If you want to be in happiness, reveal the unhappiness first.

...... more to come

3rd Grade

The 3rd Grade is usually referred to grading of subjects, objects, productivity or classifications of people in a society, etc.

During our younger days in secondary education, getting a Grade 3 in the SPM is like .... damn, I had been so "lembap". Should have studied smarter but the results just showed where I am academically.

If you're gunning for a gold medal in a sprint race knowing that you're the best on that track, a 3rd place is a failure. Finishing two places behind runners whom are not of your calibre adds severe insult to your reputation.

Globally, a 3rd Grade Nation or commonly known as a 3rd World Nation is a categorial label used to describe countries that are considered to be underdeveloped in terms of their economical dismal or level of industrialisation, globalisation, standard of living, health, education or other criteria for "advancement".

3rd Grade also describes the level of education, step in scale or rank, inclination with the horizontal of a road, building trades or even an animal resulting from a cross between an ordinary stock with a pure bred. 

Can anyone help me figure out how does it feel to be a 3rd Grade in a legion or a circle of where you think that you're important and being loved? How would it feel that when whatever and however you may go around it by laying your priorities and practicing them simply believing in the importance and your sincerity but in the end of it you're simply a 3rd Grade person? You always want to make the best for the people you love most, share whatever you may have with them, sacrifice whatever that may be important to you but rather let it go for someone that you love, just because he or she may want/ need urgently or other foreseen circumstances that may have led to that request but it is rather sad to learn that these people that you make your efforts for have a strong opinion about you as of being just a 3rd Grader. 

My advice for the "3rd Graders" (though it may be easier to preach than being done),

• do not expect appreciation as it may never be in the slightest thought of the other party
• do whatever you can if you feel that those people involved around you are a priority but do not believe that they may ever try to even think likewise about you
• try to spend the little time or opportunity given to be with your loved ones as you may not get it from your loved ones in a similar manner as they may rather spend their time with others
• your job is important to you as it gives you a living but do not put it all above everything especially when it matters your loved one(s) even though your loved one(s) may put their employers or clients well above you and that includes after "working" hours
• be prepared to spend RM200 on a simple thing for your loved one(s) and be well prepared to receive nothing when you need RM20 from your loved one(s) as whatever they have belongs to them and not you. You made a decision on parting with your money even if that was only what you're mediocrely left with but never expect the other party to LOAN you RM20 even if that could leave them with a healthy balance of RM1980 
• upgrade a level up or just accept it if you're placed at a plunging depths of being the 333rd in the pecking order, believe it or not as that could be what you are really WORTH!

Beginning The New Year In A Challenged Manner

Everyone hope and wishes for the new year to start off with a blast or at least in a positive manner. Mine had been a difficult one.

For the fact that possessing a personal transportation is a priority to us these days, I have none of it as of now. My car which was burnt in a freak incident was all I had to move around conveniently. And it is even harder that one has to rely on public transportation that is a known unreliable facility in this part of the region. Public buses are never as scheduled, taxi drivers charge to whatever they feel like (meter charges are not existent) and LRTs are seemingly packed during the times that I wanna get on one (maybe it is the wrong timing that I chose to ride).

I have seen and tested a car that I like based on the make, model, colour and condition. Despite the age and the mileage that is clocking in, I was completely taken aback with the mint condition of the car. I wouldn't want to reveal it as yet but it is definitely a Continental masterpiece. 

The other thing that didn't go well with me in Week 1 of 2009 is that my clients whom were to fly to Melbourne with me for a location scouting trip have been refused visas. This is came in as a surprise as they are well travelled and even have visas for the most difficult destination in the world, the ever paranoid nation of the United States of America. Damn, being Indian nationals ain't easy despite owning big industrial sectors in the world. Now, there is more work to be done in order for these "unlucky" Indians to continue work and eventually start filling up my pockets.

2008 to 2009 ... Transition Notes

It definitely felt good to be able to dawn the new year with my loved ones, well it just could be everyone else's stature as a near perfect way to begin the new year.

Terri, Christian and I had a late dinner (no thanks to my delay) at Ducking Jaya One and we were more than satisfied to fill up with a good meal. Once done, we strolled around the newly established "Biz-Leisure District" watching folks of all walks oohing and ahhing in chorus awaiting the countdown. Many were seated at the courtyard enjoying an evening of live music while gulping down pints of beer from the nearby Belgian Beer House or casually loittering around awaiting the countdown. Out of the blue, Terri and I decided to head to the good 'ol Waikiki Bar to party the night.

Upon arriving there, we were greeted by an expectedly loud and party crowd. We wriggled our way through to Tony Siew's table and nestled there. Christian was in an awe watching people of various sizes and colours busy being party-goers. The decibels increased as the minutes to the dawn of the new year decreased and the delirium didn't bother Christian as he was just too engrossed with two party packs that he was clutching tightly to while two well lit whistles hung around his neck.

As the clock struck midnight, the entire wooden shacked bar erupted with whistles, wishes and hugs while I grabbed my wife and wished her with a kiss. Our son was not dismayed at all but chose to hold tightly to his whistles and party packs! As time passed on, the club was blanketing with smog of nicotine and we realised that it was best for Christian to leave and he a fact that he was tired too.

It was a good night, nothing spectacular but certainly left a great feeling of ending the year and starting it with people that you love and cherish the most.

Happy New Year and Happy 3rd Anniversary, my beloved Terri.